It's six in the morning...I haven't been to sleep yet. This is not right. I'm not entirely sure why I'm still awake, I feel very tired. I tried to sleep, but felt like I was going to get a panic attack. Probably because I was thinking about something I shouldn't.
Anyway, I was talking to that one person I shouldn't because every time I do I get so angry I have to step back and take a few deep breaths. He was complaining to me like an emo again. About an ex no less. So this time I finally told him, look you're hurt I get it, but I've had to deal with some stuff too and I don't see how this is so bad. I am of course talking about the rather difficult year of grade 12. To make a long story short it had to do with my mother she wasn't exactly herself a lot of the time and I still find it hard to talk about. Anyway when I left for university I was under the impressioin that she wasn't going to be there at Christmas. I told him this, and he comes back with:
Yes, I understand that was probably difficult, but relationships are about being human.
Umm...what? My mother dying actually has nothing to do with me being human? I mean...I've known her my whole life...hell she practically raised me! :P
I'm not saying that I've had the worst problems of anyone anywhere, I'm just saying I think that is a little tougher to go through than a bad break up. Maybe I'm wrong and if I am well I'll certainly shut up and stop complaining.
Other than that, there isn't a whole lot going on. For some reason a friend of mine thought it would be fun if we went to the mall. On a friday evening. I wasn't pleased, there were a lot of preteens there as usual and they all look the same. We both sat with coffee saying we certainly hoped we were never like that when we were that age.
Things just seem a little different now, only slightly with age. Now instead of thinking 'yeah this is normal for kids my age to do' now I find myself saying "aren't they a little young for that?'. For example, there were three girls, probably around 11-12 and one of them said 'fuck' and I was surprised. Not sure why, I said fuck all the time when I was that age. To be quite honest it scared me. Soon I'm going to be telling them to turn down their music 0_O .
Getting older does scare me a bit. Mostly because I still pretty much act like a kid, and I certainly do not feel ready to be out in the 'real world'. Talking to family though makes me feel a little better. Saying things like, why grow up? That's no fun. Or it's only a number. I said to my dad the day I find a grey hair is the day I have a breakdown. He said "Why? It's only a colour, look how many I have!" And proceeded to dance to a singing moose. Maybe there's hope yet.
Oh, and the reason for the title is simple, I'm tired so my mind isn't clear, and it's a combination of a simpsons quote and an incident in metalocalypse...I just wanted to make things more interesting...I know I know...epic fail. Well, I think I hear M up for work, maybe I should try to sleep now and not panic for no reason :P
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Did you do as I suggested? Eat a lot? Always works. =)
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